MEET WALLY SPARKS

Starring Rodney Dangerfield, Cindy Williams, David Ogden Stiers and Burt Reynolds Directed by Peter Baldwin Rated R, with profanity, and endless sex and bathroom jokes Running time 115 minutes With 10 as a must-see, Jack gives this film a 1

(Jan. 31, 1997) -- Meet Wally Sparks -- at your own peril.

Sometimes, comedian Rodney Dangerfield gets no respect because he doesn't deserve any. This boorish, utterly bad new movie is one of those times. In it, Dangerfield rehashes his perennial bad-taste character, this time in the guise of a trashy tabloid TV talk show host.

If Dangerfield and his co-writer Harry Basil had a goal, it was probably to parody the my-boyfriend-sleeps-with-alien-pigs type of daytime talk show. But Dangerfield simply uses the film to cart out an endless stream of boob and genitalia jokes that are as stale today as they were when grade Z burlesque comedians told them between strip acts in the 1950s.

The butt of most of his jokes is a tightly wound, right-wing politician, Georgia Gov. Floyd Preston (David Ogden Stiers), an outspoken opponent of Sparks' TV show. Through a bizarre set of circumstances, Sparks and his gum-snapping producer (Debi Mazur) get an invitation to an exclusive party at Preston's Atlanta mansion.

Then, like an especially obnoxious Man Who Came to Dinner, Sparks fakes an injury as an excuse to extend his stay at the governor's mansion. He figures if he can do his show from the house -- and maybe even get the governor as a guest -- he can square things with his network management.

Understandably, the network boss has long been an FCC target, thanks to Sparks. (That boss, by the way, is played by Burt Reynolds, who sleepwalks through the part. He's about as plausible as his toupee.)

After several decades in show business, Dangerfield must hold a lot of markers on his friends. How else to explain the relentless parade of cameos. Didn't any of these people read the script? Jay Leno, Roseanne, Tony Danza, Gilbert Gottfried, Julia Sweeney, Bob Saget, Morton Downey Jr., and Michael Bolton all show up, along with several real-life talk show hosts (who probably realize Sparks makes THEM look good).

Poor Cindy Williams (of Laverne and Shirley fame) suffers the most ignominious fate, playing the governor's straightlaced, simple-minded wife who ends up in her underwear at a drunken orgy, engineered by Sparks. Williams' current TV ad campaign for a diet program can now be seen as a major step up for the actress.

The cast gets little help from Sparks director Peter Baldwin, a TV veteran whose work here is as predictable, uninspired and garish as Dangerfield's jokes. And what made Baldwin think this clunker could sustain nearly two hours of running time?

The star, of course, does what you would expect him to do. From his bug eyes to the twist of his tie to his crass taste, he's as predictable a one-joke comedian as you'll ever see.

Dangerfield's efforts to transfer his stand-up persona to the big screen have had a few successful moments, mostly as he did triple flips off a diving board in Back to School. Meet Wally Sparks, though, is a low point for the 74-year-old comedian.

You know what they say about respect, Rodney.

You gotta earn it.