I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

• Starring Jonathan Taylor Thomas
• Directed by Arlene Sanford
• Rated PG; running time 89 minutes
• With 10 as a must-see, Jack gives this film a 4

By Jack Garner
Democrat and Chronicle

(Nov. 13, 1998) -- Pre-teen magazine cover boy Jonathan Taylor Thomas kicks off the 1998 holiday season with I'll Be Home for Christmas, and the results are only slightly better than coal in your stocking.

A contrived seasonal saga from Arlene Sanford (A Very Brady Sequel), I'll Be Home stars Thomas as a Santa-costumed college student toting a sack full of woe as he tries to get home for the holidays. Imagine an uninspired After School Special variation of Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

Though he still looks about 15, Thomas plays Jake, an 18-year-old freshman at a California college. On campus, he's a bit of an elite geek, rising above his station by helping campus jocks cheat on tests and by using his computer to change grades and order up bogus backstage passes for concerts.

He also has his eye on a classy classmate, Allie (Jessica Biel), who finds herself drawn to Jake's better qualities but is turned off by his shallow, self-centered attitudes. Allie is also pursued by Eddie (Adam LaVorgna), a cocky, fast-talking Big Man on Campus.

Jake has no intention of heading back East for the holidays. For one thing, Jake holds a grudge against his stepmother (Eve Gordon), who married Dad (Gary Cole) only 10 months after Jake's mother died. But then Dad makes Jake an offer he can't refuse: If he gets home by 6 p.m. Christmas Eve, Dad will give him the beloved family Porsche.

But Eddie and a few other campus pranksters knock Jake out, dress him in a Santa suit and leave him in the desert, w-a-y outside Los Angeles. So Jake decides to hitchhike home, and from that point the movie becomes a hassles-on-the-road story. Of course, a lot of it doesn't make sense, starting with the highway route, which takes Jake through Nebraska and all the way up to Madison, Wis., en route to New York City.

As coincidence would have it, Eddie and Allie are also driving East for Christmas, and Jake runs into his rival and his would-be girlfriend two or three times.

The script pushes hard for laughs, but without much luck. At best, the film occasionally strikes an amiable note; the only outright belly laugh occurs when Jake finds himself in a charity 5K race in which all the contestants wear Santa suits, hats and beards.

As you could predict, the trip enlightens Jake, and he develops a less selfish, more family-oriented attitude. Of course, the shift in his personality seems overly contrived. Thomas works hard in his first lead role, though, and demonstrates moderate skill with a laugh line (no doubt something he learned during his years on the hit TV show Home Improvement).