Sly, a talking baby in "Baby Geniuses."

MOVIE INFORMATION

With 10 as a must-see, we give this film a: Stars: Kathleen Turner and Christopher Lloyd Director: Bob Clark Rated: PG, with some rude behavior and dialogue Length: 94 minutes

ROCHESTERCRITIQUE

Having seen this film, how would you rate it? 10 5 9 4 8 3 7 2 6 1

By Margaret A. McGurk
Gannett News Service

(March 12, 1999) -- Of all the creatures on God's green Earth, none is funnier, more charming or magical than a baby.

Except in Hollywood, that is, where no beauty is pure enough to escape artificial enhancement. No, in Hollywood, babies can't be entertaining without technical interference.

You've seen samples of this technique, for example, in commercials that make infants seem to dance and talk. And if, like me, 30 seconds of that treatment gets on your nerves, wait until you get a load of what an hour and a half can do.

Not only are the poor kids in Baby Geniuses digitally manipulated to move and speak in unnatural ways, they are cast in a story that makes less sense than the fleeting seconds of actual baby talk allowed on screen.

The plot, for lack of a better word, is based on the notion that babies are born with total comprehension of the secrets of creation, which they lose when they learn to speak.

And how do the tykes in Baby Geniuses express their universal wisdom? As crude-talking, name-calling, crotch-kicking, pocket-sized Adam Sandlers, that's how. Not one line from their tiny lips qualifies as remotely funny.

An evil businesswoman (Kathleen Turner) is holding a collection of bright infants in a secret laboratory, where her mad-scientist stooge (Christopher Lloyd) tries to decipher the infants' language. One of the babies is the twin of a boy adopted by a good scientist (Peter MacNicol) who is trying to do the same thing.

The twins are switched during a visit to a mall -- a contrivance to help the movie, already stuffed with "product placements," wedge in a full-blown commercial for a clothing manufacturer.

At least a dozen actual children were used in this film. Dressed up in computer-generated illusions, these innocent babes were turned into boorish little thugs.

There is plenty of blame to go around for this dismal exercise, starting with director Bob Clark and his co-screenwriter Greg Michael, plus a clutch of producers that includes actor Jon Voight.